Confessions from the Neurotic

Hello, all.

So, I've been attempting to maintain my workouts, and be at least a little active every day. My friend Courtney and I are doing cardio during the week, every day but Wednesday (which is swing dancing!).
She makes me do these things called "fartlets" (?!). Basically, you walk the straight part of the track, and jog around the bends. We do these for 30 minutes to an hour, depending on how lazy I am.
To be honest, I don't see any difference in my body at all. Like, I've even gained weight.
Probably because The Boy and I haven't been able to afford to eat super healthy lately, and it's really hard for me to say no to second helpings when he asks for more.

I do the best where I can, though. We only have soy milk in the house, and turkey bacon, and I use plain greek yogurt instead of sour cream. I do what I can with what I have.

But you know what?
I'm trying to accept myself for where I'm at.

I went shopping yesterday, and could not fit into the dresses at Forever 21. My own dress that I was wearing was a (snug) Medium, but their Large didn't even come CLOSE to fitting.
But this time, I didn't cry. So I was disappointed, because their clothes are so damn adorable
But they are made for a type of body that I don't have.

That doesn't mean I have "the wrong body." It just means I need to go somewhere else for equally adorbs clothes that fit me. I'm trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter what the size on the tag says, as long as it fits and looks good on me.

Because you know what?
Every single person in my life, that I love, think I am beautiful and smoking hot.  Two hundred pounds or not.
And if they think I'm fantastic, why shouldn't I?

So yes, I'm continuing with my workouts. And yes, I'm eating healthy where I can, and should probably cut down on my portions (and the amount of butter I put in my mashed potatoes, yikes), just for the sake of my health.

But I'm not going to beat myself up and make myself feel like shit in the meantime.
Because I have better ways to spend my time than being totally miserable.

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